Aside

rae and I TM

Tough Mudder?  Rocked it!  June 22nd 2013, Whistler – will forever be imprinted in my brain, a memory I’ll never forget and one of the top 5 BEST days of my life.  Not just because I crossed the finish line, but because I faced my fears, I learned that I am capable of more than I could ever imagine, and that I’m one hell of a bad ass chick!  I can’t express how thrilling the entire race felt, the adrenaline rush after each of the 20 obstacles is like crossing 20 finish lines – the team spirit, the support on the course from everyone and just the thrill of adventure was something I never thought was so important to me.

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Yes it was really hard, yes it was cold, yes you really get shocked – but man it’s all worth it!  A shout out to my team, the most positive group of girls ever!!  Welcome to the Muddership!!  A big shout out to one of my best buds Rae, who ran the course by my side – pace for pace.  Our team stuck together but we each had a running partner for the km’s in between the obstacles and that was a really important part, as those are the moments when the legs are cramping and stiffening and you need each other to just keep running.

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I have to comment on the night prior to TM, for your first event – you get zero sleep.  At least we did, we were so darn nervous and scared that we hardly slept!  They posted the course online with each obstacle so I was busy researching each one and looking them up and trying to memorize the order so I would know what was next as I was out there…did I mention I’m a bit obsessive with things?  But truely I was scared, I was doubting myself big time and wondering if I had what it takes, If I’d look like I didn’t belong out there, If I was a fraud – just pretending I could do this.  Was I going to be the fattest girl on the course?  Oh Fear, Why must you be a part of my life?  Somehow, we got ready that morning, ate the best breakfast we could, and put on our race gear – I tried to stay calm, but man my insides were flipping out!  I kept telling myself, what are you doing?  you are a fat chick…it takes top athletes to do this course, what are you thinking?  my inner dialogue was not healthy – but I had a mantra “feel the fear but do it anyway”.  You really have to conquer more than just the fear of the obstacles but the fear of self doubt.  wow, so much to go through that I just wasn’t expecting!  I kept quiet though, I didn’t express my fears or feelings to my team mates.  This was my inner battle – I wanted to be calm for them, so they too could feel powerful and ready for this challenge.  I wanted to be the best team mate, leader, and coach I could be – even if I felt like a pot of much on the inside!  But we got to the race, got through the registration and before I knew it I was jogging the course, completing each obstacle and really feeling more powerful and alive as each challenge went by.  Around the 10km mark I felt so amazing and powerful, my confidence was full – I knew I had this in the bag.  I completed 19 of 20 obstacles…I felt on top of the world when I got up Everest on my second attempt – This was one challenge I didn’t think I would ever conquer…but I amazed myself.

I hardly slept the night after the race either – you’d think I’d be so exhausted but we went out, celebrated, danced the night away and I still couldn’t fall asleep – thinking about the day we had…the adrenaline you get is just pure high overdoses!

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Recovery – I should have taken pictures of the bruises on my inner thighs, black – not blue, BLACK bruises the size of dinner plates from climbing over those darn walls!!  My shins, my butt –scrapes and bruises everywhere…you don’t even know you’re getting them!  2 days later you look down and you look like you went through war!  I should have taken a couple days off work – as I didn’t sleep I had a hard time recovering – I also decided I wanted to get back to bootcamp, so I started 5 days later – too soon.  I should I have eased back into it slowly with ½ workouts the first 2 weeks.  Next time, I’ll allow myself to rest!

If you are thinking of TM…DO IT!  You will not regret it.  Even if TM seems too big, too hard, too crazy!  You can do this, you can do more than you ever thought possible.  You are stronger, braver and smarter than you think!

Tough Mudder – Feel the Fear but DO IT Anyway!

Finish Line: Standing on the Threshold

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before and after

NERVOUS..PRE- WEEK Race Jitters!

I’m not going to try and make this a well written blog today.  This is for me to document forever the emotions and feelings of this moment.  The moment when I realized that I can no longer do anymore to prepare for Tough Mudder.  There are no more endurance runs, no more weight training, no more bootcamps that will improve my overall performance on Saturday – just 5 days away!  Of course I have to carb up, get my electrolytes up, and exercise lightly, but I’ve physically done all that I can over these last 6 months.  I’m standing on the threshold…what an amazing feeling.

I can tell you as I have in many blogs that I have come so far.  It has been a lot of hard work, DEDICATION and at times just pure stubbornness – and yes even anxiety to get me here.  My nerves often got me up in the morning to work out.  I would do 2 to 3 workouts a day probably 3 times a week because of my anxiety propelling me to work harder.  Yes I was and still am scared!  But I’ve chosen this as my body transformation finish line.  Getting my orange headband means that I’ve gone from slug to fit in 2 years 1 month.  That I’ve changed everything about me and my habits and my lifestyle is one of health and wellness.  My emotions are running high and they are swinging all over the place and probably will for the next full week.  I can picture the finish line and all of your faces who have supported me on my journey.  I know you all want me to finish just as much I want it!  I will hold on to that all the way through this intense, fear testing, physically painful endurance race…this is my moment and I’m taking it!!  Here is a picture of where I was and where I’m headed for the rest of my life.

Oh yeah…I also reached my goal weight about a week ago – the one I set out 2 years ago.  Which at that time I thought was not attainable – and it was a goal that still kept me 20 pounds or so overweight.  So once  get back from mudder next week, it’s a week of recovery – then I start swimming and training for a Try a Tri…that will get the rest of the weight off and keep me accountable to this new lifestyle!

Phew, what a world I live in!

 

have to finish with a quick fitness update:
I did achive running 10km. I’ve done it on the treadmill, on the road and on a trail run. I can run 8km comfortably and don’t mind keeping that up!
I do like running…i don’t love it but its what has changed my body dramatically. It really gives the quickest results. I really recommend downloading a learn to run 5km or 10km program – you start out 1 minute on 1 minute walk…its sooo doable – by the 3rd week, you will really start to feel great about yourself!

last week we also completed a 15km hike and jog – it was gruelling! man it was hard, but doable…so as I head out to Tough Mudder with 20km to complete, I know I can do this…its just gonna be rough – but i’m ready… I also realized thanks to my old trainer Andrea (had dinner with her last week) after not seeing her for 8 months) that this will never be over. That we can always improve ourselves, so when I say that my body transformation finish line is Tough Mudder – I think I mean that is the moment when I will accept myself as being fit. That i’ve joined a new club and that I belong…but as you can see above I still have more goals and finish lines to cross – i’ll just now that I’m now a part of the “club”!

Moving Targets: Transformation Weightloss 2 Year Anniversary Update

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Happy May 1st!  And yes, I have alot to celebrate and be greatful for!  I also have to remind myself that I have alot to be proud of.

It sure is easy to get caught up in the moving target.  Is it healthy to be constantly reassessing and setting a new/different goal even if you haven’t reached the last one?  I’m not sure if this is what has kept me on task, or if it has prolonged the final result, the final goal, the finale…Or do I just like being in this “transformation phase”.  I was suppose to be completely done with my weightloss today.  This was suppose to be the end of the scale and the official start line of only tracking my fitness goals.  but it seems i’m gonna hang on the scale just a little bit longer.

So where am I?  My last blog had set of goal of losing the last 35 pounds in 6 months.  What did I do?  Where have I been since June of 2012…My weight dropped by August, with another 15 pounds down.  I maintained that until November, where I had a breast reduction – during recovery I couldn’t exercise so I gained 20 in 10 weeks!!  I was able to get back to it, January 2nd 2013.  I started with 3 days a week of bootcamp for 1 month as well as a learn to run 10km program as I also committed and signed up for Tough Mudder – which is now only 8 weeks away!!  I”m happy to say, that the 20+ pounds found is now gone – AGAIN!  I’ve lost a total of 136 pounds in 2 years – an entire medium sized female adult!!  i’ve been carrying her around FAR TO LONG!!! good bye bitch!! I won’t miss ya, I’m happy to see ya go…don’t let the door kick you in the ass on the way out!!

deep sigh of relief…i’m here – I got to 2 years… I’m working out lots, trainging well, still want at least another 15 pounds off my body (which when I get there I know i’ll want to lose 10 or so more)…but who doesn’t?  probably 60% of us out there have that much to lose…so that puts me in a pretty normal category…which feels great! I’m still working on the 10km, i’m up to 9, most comfortable around 7.5 but I should get there in time for Mudder on June 22nd.  But thats another one of my moving targets.  I should have been at 10 km more than a month ago!  but my body hates running, and i’ve had to keep re-doing some of the weeks of the program until I felt good with my cardio…some plans are great, but they are in are head and those plans are not always what our body’s have in mind…so learning to listen to my body has also been a part of this journey.  To add to that, I still do and always will enjoy lots of bootcamps – to get ready for TM, i’m hiking and strength training in the gym along with my 3 running days a week.  I feel good.  I feel healthy – sometimes a bit over trained, but I only have 8 weeks to go, as my anxiety seems to allow me to obsess over the idea “have you done enough this week”, “are you gonna reach your goals?”  but if my goals keep moving, then i’m not sure I will!!  oh well, its the journey and I have to remind myself about that more than you know…I like this ride, i’m gonna stay on it till the wheels fall off!  It feels good…I”m happy to say this is a good 2 year anniversary, even if I’m stretching my goals out yet again.  Its successful because I have acheived more than I did last year – i’m even happier than my 1st year anniversary, so what can I say -i’m really looking forward to year 3!

So maybe that is a bit of my secret to this success…keep your targets moving.  Keep chasing them, its amazing to see what you can do, what you can achieve and how great you feel on this journey.  If you don’t reach them, who cares!  set new ones, reassess, find something else that motivates you and gets you moving.  If you take time off – start today, if you put on a few pounds – who cares, just get moving again – its the journey and how you feel while you are on the ride!  so hop back on this rollercoaster, put your hands in the air and remember how great it feels to be alive!

Finding Focus

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Well, what can say except the focus comes and then it goes.  Sometimes it stays for months (like when I was in the last fitness challenge) and sometimes it stays for hours (like yesterday) when I was all pumped up to have a perfectly clean eating day, cut out the sugar and get back on my (yes maybe its just too strict) clean eating plan.  I want to get to where I was in March, less than 3 months ago where I NEVER ate Sugar, Wheat, Dairy, Alcohol, Preservatives… but is this a real lifestyle kind of goal for me?I eat like this MOST of the time still, but not all the time.  So last night, I did have a small piece of chocolate cake and a scoop of frozen yogurt.  So why am I stressed about that?  My weekends are a bit lax as I do have wine – but even with that I have still lost another 15 pounds since the end of the challenge at the end of March…so 115 pounds of fat gone – so that is hitting my goal of 5 pounds a month.  Yes my weightloss has slowed down, but I know I couldn’t maintain the challenge schedule of working out 3 times a day and eating strictly.  I know I could go back and do this again, when I want to – but at this moment, I don’t think I do – and that does scare me a bit.  I am trying to wonder why I’m not focused like I was, as if that is a bad thing.  I am working out 4 times a week, maintaining a healthy diet, and still losing weight.  I know that as soon as my body stops losing weight, I’ll take notice and fix it ASAP.  I have the tools, I know how to detox, and I know how to workout even harder.  I think I’m adjusting to a maintenance type of plan.  I don’t have hundreds of pounds to lose anymore, I don’t need to be dropping 20 pounds in a month, nor do I have a desire to. 

So maybe I do have focus, just a different kind.  A kind that allows me to have the best of both worlds.  A healthy balance where I enjoy treats, wine now and then, and workout to lose weight at a moderate level.  I’m okay with that!  Its not a race and I don’t have anything to prove to anyone.  My focus is to lose 5 pounds a month – throughout the summer months (I mean there are BBQ’s and Vacations to consider here!). So 10 pounds by the end of August.  I do want to train harder though.  I’m not going to focus on the pounds too much this summer, but rather increase some of training as I do have a secret desire now to start Field Hockey in the fall.  So I better get on another running program.  8 weeks at least, so that will start soon.  Well, I’ve put down my 3 months goals for now.  I know in 6 months I want to be 35 pounds less than I am today.  That will have me at my weightloss goal and ready for any skin removal surgery and a fabulous 36th birthday!!

The REALITY of being a WINNER

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The reality of being a winner are two things at this moment.  First off PRESSURE to maintain and prove to others and to yourself that you will continue down the transformation path and the other is that there are HATERS in the world:  People who actually feel that I didn’t deserve to win.  Yes, I’ve heard the rumors …

Funny how both of these things are weaved closely together.  The more and more that I hear, tidbits that I learn or gossip that is passed along only fuels the pressure that I put on myself.  It only makes me feel more than ever that I have something to prove.  Is this a good thing or a bad thing?  It’s good that it helps to propel me further, but its bad because that should never be my motivation – to prove them wrong, is not what I set out to do.  But didn’t I already prove something, not only to others but to myself?  

So to those who feel that someone else deserved to win, that it was easier for me to have dramatic before and after pictures because I’m big and they were small to start out with.  FUCK YOU!

To those of you, you feel that I didn’t work as hard as you, or as hard as your friend.  FUCK YOU!

Jealousy makes people ugly, and if you want to JUDGE me, go ahead – you’ve already read in my blog that I’m very use to that.  You don’t know me, you think you know me because I shared a small piece of my story, but you have no right to judge me. 

So as I think about this, I realize that this is just another part of my journey – to stand in the limelight and learn to take the heat – to not let it affect how I feel about myself and not to let it take the wind from my sails.  Winning is a good thing as it has pushed me further out of my comfort zone than EVER before.

A further REALITY of winning that I was completely unprepared for is that I had to ENDURE a solid week of COMPLIMENTS .  And I say that seriously – I had to endure the uncomfortable feeling that I get when people look at my before and after pictures on facebook and compliment me publicly online.  The funny thing is, is that I would have had to endure that whether I won or not.  Infact everyone had to go through this, all of the transformers were equally celebrated with their pictures posted online – each success was equally recognized as it should be – the fact I won, was not splashed all over CTF or online – in fact it  announced at the dinner – so that makes me feel even more confused as to why people are saying shit anyway.  Its not like i’m walking around CTF with a sash around my neck! I digress…back the before and after pictures:   I had to ENDURE ATTENTION from people, I had to let that happen and allow people to celebrate me and express how proud they are – I had to hear from people I like, don’t like, haven’t seen in 10 years even – it was CRAZY!  There were times that I avoided facebook for 24 hours or more as I just couldn’t stand it! It made me freak out and I had a slight panic attack, especially when I saw my 66 pound transformation picture – It was such a surreal moment as I actually didn’t recognize either person.  I frantically went home and asked my husband if this picture was okay to let everyone I know see – I said to him, is that me?  I was doubtful and still shake my head when I see it – I don’t recognize the fat girl or the thinner version of me – I guess that is what they mean, when they say your brain takes awhile to catch up with your body image.  This rocked me.  See the picture below – I don’t recognize either of them.  I am seriously convinced that Aimee needs to retake my after pictures, because I don’t think I’m that small at all.  I think that somehow that camera was held at a thinning angle and that is why I look good.  LOL – O BROTHER! 

Anyway, this blog is for my supporters – thank you for supporting me, even if I didn’t let you and I tried to run and hide into my cave of comfort!  This blog is also for the haters, I’m sorry that you don’t believe in my transformation – I guess you still have more transforming to do for yourself – where to learn to love yourself so you can love and support others when they shine.  Just know that I get it, I know you worked just as hard and that you too deserve recognition for all that you have achieved – as I think we should all celebrate together as we are all WINNERS – Look at what we’ve achieved in 10 short weeks!  TRULY AMAZING😉

CLICK HERE FOR THE LINK TO MY PICTURE

I DID IT!!!! I WON the Body Transformation 10 Week Challenge

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I also, said Goodbye to 101 Pounds and felt like Queen for the day

 

 Its time to celebrate and be in the moment.  A moment that I truly want to last forever!  What an amazing experience I had yesterday – the results blew me away!  I want to briefly recap the events so they are forever documented in history and I will also tell you how it FELT!!

10 weeks, sometimes it felt really fast and sometimes it felt painfully slow, but I never lost focus on the end goal, which for me was to lose 20 pounds.  I figured that this was a very “doable” number as I had lost 14 pounds in 8 weeks during my first transformation and new that I could do a bit better this time around.  What was amazing is that I went into this challenge thinking that all I wanted to do was lose 20 pounds and yet I ended up doing and learning SO MUCH MORE!  I have already blogged about all my “firsts” during this challenge and how amazing it was to climb knox, run/walk 5km, work out 3 times in a day, do spin classes, hot yoga, stairs, and still have energy for more.  Bootcamp became my staple workout 4 to 5 times a week and I added in cardio at my gym and tried all these new and exciting things as well.  I did so much that I have never done before in the span of 10 short weeks because I was given a huge gift – an amazing support system – the best group of people around me that I could ever hope or pray for.  I know my prayers were answered and I’m still in awe of how all the pieces of this journey fell together so amazingly. 

I broke down the challenge into 1 to 2 week segments and always made mini goals along the way to help me stay focused and to not give up, even though with my support group I knew that wouldn’t be possible.  What I learned from my group was that I am not alone – that you can’t do this on your own and that others need your help just as much as you need them.  (so if you want to do this, surround yourself with a support group that will motivate you and hold you accountable – but also those who will not judge you and are truly there to help make you a better person – anyone else in your life, ditch – now!)

 What I didn’t expect to learn how to eat clean, as I thought I had that pretty much figured out.  Well I didn’t….and I owe a huge thank you to Andrea our trainer, for guiding me along that path.  The fact that I cut out, alcohol, dairy, wheat, sugar, and red meat for 10 weeks is why I dropped 31 pounds and 19.5 Inches in 10 weeks!!!! . What else surprised me is my level of fitness, to be able to work out 3 times a day, run/walk 5km in under 40 minutes and I shaved 2 minutes 40 seconds off my fitness test to complete it in 5 minutes 50 seconds…now all if this is just facts and numbers – they are good measurement tools of success, but let me tell you what is even more important.  THE FEELING INSIDE

During these 10 weeks, I found myself again.  I found happiness, courage, pride, accomplishment and self love!!! I believe in myself again, I have hope for the future and excitement.  I can leave behind the depressed, sad, lonely girl who was sooo lost.  I am confident because I know “I GOT THIS”.  I have the tools and skills to not only maintain this 100 pounds weight loss but to get off the next 40 pounds.  I have a new goal 5 pounds per month for 8 months.  I will be done in time for my 36th Birthday in December. 

So what EXACTLY happened yesterday?  Well the end of the challenge, we do a weigh in, measurements, and before and after photos…see my picture below.  When I weighed in, there were other people around who knew that I SO WANTED to reach that 100 pound milestone.  I felt like the room stopped breathing and as I held my breath on the scale…the computer beeped and I jumped up and down and lept into the arms of my trainer Andrea as she was right there by my side…I let out a few sobs of joy and immediately felt the world lift off my shoulders as I did not realize how much pressure I had put on myself to get to that goal.  Now don’t forget my original goal was to lose 20 pounds, but when I passed that around week 6, I decided to go for it…go for 30 pounds in 10 weeks and get that milestone of 100!! Actually I got 101😉 It was hard work, infact the last week I did 5 bootcamp classes, 3 spin classes, 1 hot yoga and 2 days of 30 minutes jogs on the treadmill – that’s how bad I wanted this! And with hardwork and determination – I got it.  I got to feel something amazing inside – a flood of emotions that I will never forget and believe me, it was so worth it!!

Well I figured that was enough for me, I did what I set out to do…we had our final challenge left of the day where we joined up with 2 other teams to run/walk 5km.  I couldn’t believe all of the compliments I was getting as we were jogging along.  So many people we letting me know how good I was looking and although I felt like my lungs were on fire I pushed through this trek.  As I crossed the finished line I was so relieved to be done but was amazed and surprised to see that my husband was there with my kids to cheer me on!  They snuck out of the house after I left to be there for me, I had no idea they were waiting and how sweet that was to be able to share that moment of accomplishment with them – my first 5km challenge!  Here is a picture of us after our run!

Later that night, we had our prizes and giveaways and we all gathered to hear who the winner was of this challenge.  To win the challenge the score is based on 25% for percentage of pounds lost, 25% for percentage of inches lost, 25% for fitness time improvement, 25% for votes on your before and after photos.  It was a fun night, great to see everyone dressed up and looking so wonderful!  I couldn’t believe the results and everyone saw great improvement, how inspiring to be in a room with so many amazing people.  I had placed my vote and as the 3rdplace and 2nd place winners were announced I was pretty sure that someone else what taking 1st place that I had voted for…I was shocked and in awe when everyone was looking at me to tell me that I was the winner…I sat there for a while letting it sink in, as I was dumbfounded and in shock.  I am still rather amazed that I’m still the winner…I was already a winner inside and here I was with the ultimate prize.  I am still sitting here today, wondering how the HELL did that happen?! I have to thank my team, my trainer, my support system – all I can compare this to is watching someone win an Oscar – how they thank all of those around them who supported and encourage their success.  I know I did not get here alone, I know that I could not do this by myself.  If I had tried to do this by myself the way I had so many times before, I would have failed like I did over and over again for the last 15 years.  So I thank you, I thank my husband for his loving words of encouragement and support, for loving the fat me – the sad me – and loving just ME. I thank my dear friend Christina, who I’ve mentioned before throughout this journey and blog and hears me out every day during my frustrations! I thank my friend Rae who is a supporter and true confidant. I thank my trainer, coach and now friend Andrea – for putting in the extra effort with out team, for allowing me to text her anytime, to vent when I was mad at myself – and always pushing me further than I’d ever push myself – why? Because she believed in me!!!  I thank the wonderful owner of CTF, Aimee for creating a safe place to be myself, to grow and learn to love myself and workout among a place of amazing supportive people.  She has created one of the most amazing places and her transformation challenge is so much more than just the physical.  I also thank my team of “ANIMALS”.  These girls ROCK!  They are genuine, caring, motivating, supportive, and I love each and every one of them.  They also have their own goals and journeys and they trusted me enough to share them, and I trust them to share mine.  Thank you for all that you have done for me – I could never have done any of this without my support team.  You mean the WORLD to me.

So what did I look like 100 pounds heavier?

 

Anothing thing that I find inspiring to do when I get to milestones, is collect things that weigh 100 pounds

–          A  Punching Bag

–          A Shetland Pony

–          2 fully packed suitcases for your next vacation

–          A Hellfire Missile that can blow up a TANK!

Well I think you get the picture of what it FEELS like to lose 100 pounds…Until next time as I will continue to blog about the rest of this weightloss journey as I am learning that its more than about losing the pounds as it is about finding my true self.  Thanks for reading!

This is my body it is the one I was given…

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 Yes I’m working on it, trying to make it better, but it is still my body to LOVE and to love it today.

There are so many things I could point out wrong with it – I mean SOOO MANY…but today I’m going to list what I love about it.  If this isn’t an exercise in self love then I don’t know what is.  So don’t take me as being high on myself, if you ever new me, you would know that i’m super hard on myself, so i’m learning…so this is my small but growing list:

I love that my forearms ripple with muscle when I flex them and even tap my fingers.

I love that my shoulder and tricep muscles shape the way my shirts fit me

I love that my thighs are starting to get smaller

I love my eyes and my smile and my hair

I love the small of my waist, where I’m tiny under my ribs – where I have an almost 2 pack! Actually that was just pointed out to me today… As I received a free spray tan to get us ready for our after pictures  on Sunday.  So I signed up for this thinking that I could be seen by 1 person in my bra and underwear and found out that when I got there, it would be 2 people – assistant in training…well that’s okay I’m cool with that, I told myself, it just women.  Now you have to imagine that it is really only my husband who sees this body and its usually not to stand there in full glory with my hands above my head for 10 minutes being stared at with every little detail.  Every pimple on my leg, any hair that was missed by the razor (oh god I have to keep my eyes closed as the thoughts of what is wrong with this body are swirling in my head) – I felt under a microscope but at the same time it also felt incredibly liberating to be in public, yes I say public because as this process went one, 4 other lovely and trusting bootcampers showed up for their tans and came around to where all the action was and watched…but you know what…I didn’t feel all that disgusting.  I felt okay standing there, not comfortable, but not ashamed of my body – I said to myself, who cares!  Who CARES that I still have another 40 to lose, who cares that I have loose hanging thighs and chicken wings, boobs and belly – lots of skin that I need surgically removed, cause you know what?  Its just skin.  It’s the skin I was given and the body that I have and the one that I am learning to love. Now just a little more golden😉

Miles and Miles – the longest but most satisfying journey you will ever take

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When I started down the path to lose weight – that was really all that I was concerned about…I just wanted to be smaller.  I didn’t want to be FAT anymore.  I said to myself that this was THE ABSOLUTE LAST ATTEMPT at weight loss and I prayed for a MIRACLE.  That was about 1.5years ago.  I was hopeless – I had no more strength left in me to try.  I thought I’d done it all, that I was destined to be fat forever, that I might as well, now that I’m in my 30’s just learn to accept it.  I had gained and lost, gained and lost, and gained again and was in the Obese category for the last 15 years of my life…even Morbidly, Super Obese…

But I was sad – very sad inside and I felt huge, gross, ugly, and so embarrassed to be that out of shape.  I was no longer fitting in airplane seats, I was missing out on a life I really wanted, to be active with my kids, go on bike rides and enjoy their youth and energy…so there was that little spark still left inside me and for some reason it grew … I believe that I sent out into the world a wave of positive energy through my prayer (this was just to whoever was out there, angels, Buddha, Allah, Jesus, my dead grandparents- anyone who could hear me, as I was truly on my knees) and somehow this started a chain reaction of positive people coming into my life.

The first positive person, who was always there really helped to get me back on my feet and walked many days with me as I gained strength back in my knees. She gave me a lot of hope and a ton of encouragement to keep going – she even designed my own fitness classes in my backyard (what a great friend)…I even had support at work which is why the weekdays were easier than the weekends…people were just coming out of the woodwork, really offering me support – guidance – and even a walking partner.  I felt blessed, then bootcamp came along and I felt like it was the biggest blessing and gift from beyond.  A place where I could go and just be me.  It was hard, but there were no beefcakes or roidheads to intimidate me.  I had encouragement from the trainers and slowly a strong bond was formed…till today where I have a transformation group of 12 or more supporters who all go to cross train, who all keep each other accountable and we all celebrate our successes together…what is even more amazing is what I’ve done and accomplished on this journey BEYOND WEIGHTLOSS!!  The stuff I’ve learned and tried that I couldn’t have done without all the amazing supporters in my life during this journey.  In a few short weeks I’ve:

– Climbed to the top of Knox Mountain for the first time – straight up, no roads in 36 minutes

– Jogged/Walked my first 5km in 43 minutes.  (I told everyone I’d never do more than 3km – ever!)

– Did a Bootcamp class and Spin Class back to back – in fact it was my first Spin Class EVER!

– Feel proud about myself as I’m starting to see the athlete returning

– The feeling of  accomplishment, self – respect and self- love flowing through me…that’s the greatest blessing of all!

SO when you are doubting yourself and saying “ahhh forget it, I give up – its too hard, its not worth it” Tell yourself this “ Yes its hard, but I’m WORTH IT”.  I deserve to be happy and feel alive inside, everyday of this life.  The journey is miles and miles and miles long, but you will see and feel and do things you have never done before.  It’s the best journey I’ve ever been on and I never want it to end.  So start by surrounding yourself with success…people who enjoy fitness and soon you will too ;-) 

Hang with success and you will be successful!

Lose 20 pounds in 6 weeks – No Gimmicks, No Fads, No Pills – NO JOKE

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I’m posting this late as I’m now into my 9th week of my 10 week challenge but I wanted you to all know what is possible when you have determination and perseverance…

Lose 20 pounds in 6 weeks That is what has happened to me!  I just weighed in and was floored!  How exciting, I never dreamt that I would drop that many pounds so quickly.  If you’ve been reading my blog you know I’m in a 10 week transformation challenge with Cross Train Fitness, that this is my second attempt at it (the first time I lost 14 pounds total – a good result but not fabulous – now I know why). 

Let me share my secret with you:

1) Follow all of the EAT CLEAN principles – that’s it.  That is my big secret.  Get rid of the Dairy, Wheat, Alcohol, Sugar, White anything – Throw it out, now!  Get it out of the house and then make a shopping list and pack your fridge and cupboards with clean eating foods.  I also like to stick to Alkaline based foods too – 

2) Don’t worry about counting calories – seriously don’t do it…its not a lifestyle habit that you can maintain forever so why start now?

3) IGNORE all gimmicks, fads, shakes, diets, work out video’s, late night advertising, infomercials – its all crap and I’ve tried it all for 15 years of yo-yo dieting – don’t do it to yourself!!  You may lose a few quickly but you know you will gain it back – and more so don’t start.  You have to put in the effort, you really do.  I’m sorry if you don’t want to hear it, but this is about clean eating and exercise forever.  Its not a race!  I’ll say it again …

4) work out all you can.  Just do your best.  Get in Cardio, Get in strength training – but do it often.

5) if you have a bad meal a bad week – that’s okay – forgive yourself, move on and start again – remember its what you do most of time that determines success, not what you do some of the time…

That’s it…there are no secrets to weightloss!

Real Moms = Super Moms

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I’m as real as it gets…life is real and so real sometimes it makes me wonder why am I being tested so much!  This entry today is going to be about my real life – not just the part of me who is working out and trying to get fit…but the reality of how it fits and how my life is a constant juggle.  I hope that by reading this, other mom’s out there with the same busy life can also feel the need to get active and realize how it helps you to balance the rest of the Sh*t that life throws at you. 

Here is what my plate currently looks like:

–          I work out 6am 4 days a week at bootcamp, 3 days a week jogging intervals at my lunch break for 30 minutes and recently last week I started at home bootcamp sessions with my son, who has asked me to help him get into better shape for his soccer training

–          Husband works nights – I don’t see him from Monday to Friday

–          I work full time, right after my workout from 7:30 to 3pm week days

–          My Son plays basketball 3x a week, soccer 2 times a week and hockey 3 times a week and has 1 guitar lesson a week

–          My Daughter figure skates and spends about 4 hours a week on the ice – which is only going to increase and will be starting soccer next month to add on as well.

–          My mother and father have been separated for 32 years, I haven’t seen my father for 10 years and they recently started dating.  I am still not open to seeing him – despite my mothers prodding – lets not even get into the stress this causes me.

–          My sister is dealing with addictions and some other concerns I have for her as well…more stress on the plate

–          My husbands work schedule has just changed to nights over the weekends – now when will I ever see him?

–          Lets not forget to add in, mortgage renewal, financial planning needed, kids homework, cleaning the house, play dates, and seeing my own family and friends,  and so on and on and on…

I’m writing this so that you realize that you can also workout and get fit.  I’m not writing it to look like a superhero, although I hope my kids think so and I know my husband does!  But to inspire you to know that whatever curveballs life throw at you, whatever your plate looks like this week, you can also manage time for yourself to get healthy.  In fact, its only because I workout can I actually have enough energy to do all of this in one week and to keep calm and have inner peace while driving to all the kids events…infact yesterday was so chaotic that I just have to share the humor of it all…

Husband calls me at work and says, “I’m going to drop off the kids skates to get sharpened, remember to pick them up”… “hmm” I say… “I hope I don’t forget them”.  3:00 Work ends and I rush home 30 minute drive as I have to get Emily to figure skating – last practice before her competition, and Noah and a friend off to soccer practice.  Get home 3:40, Emily says to me “where are my skates?”  OMG, I forgot them (they are 20 minutes back the way I came – she can’t miss practice this is the last one before the competition!).  HURRY UP GET IN THE CAR …Kids are loaded, I have 30 minutes to get over the bridge, into town through 3 lanes of traffic and 1000 stop lights, construction and back to the rink and not to mention pick up Noah’s friend to get them to soccer practice.  I rush to the sharpeners, grab Emily’s skates, rush back and grab Noah’s friend, drop off Emily its 4:17.  Back over the bridge into town again I go to CNC, which is easy 20 minutes – boys are 10 minutes late for practice 4:40…phew, that’s okay.  Now I have to come back and do a complete 180, over the bridge again and get Emily from the rink.  Its now 5pm.  Its not over…back over the bridge through the traffic, grab Noah from Soccer for 6pm….on route home – but wait they need to eat – drive thru for them, just today!  Get home, heat myself a stuffed pepper – I made 6 of them earlier in the week for nights like this…Noah still has to get to Hockey practice at 7:30 – drop him off at the rink, walk in the door at home, phone is ringing – its Noah… “where are my skates?” huh?! I say…OMG they are at the SHARPENERS!  I picked up Emily’s but not Noah’s…He’s asks me to go and pick them up…No chance I say!! Get my shoes back on turn around again, pick up Noah from the rink as no practice for him…Now instead of my mantra – Don’t forget your water bottle…I’ve got a new one “Don’t forget the skates!”

 What can I say…this story is typical of any mom with active kids.  My life runs around me…and I just go with the flow – last year I would not have handled this kind of day with such grace.  I would have been angry, pissed, exhausted, frusterated, and I probably would have ate the whole time in the car – diet coke, McDonalds, chocolate bar would have gotten me through the evening to a big bowl of buttery popcorn waiting for me at home.  Lastnight, I had water in the car, a bag of raw almonds and an apple – while a stuffed pepper of shrimp and quinoa waiting for me at home… Success comes in all forms and as I write this, I get a tear in my eye – because I’ve finally figured out how to be successful with my weight.  Thank you God!! I have a real life and I have been able to acheive a true lifestyle change.